I'm out!
Out of the fog that settled on my mind and soul for weeks, and truth be told...months.
Why did it happen and why am I seeing past it?
It happened because I am human and alive and feeling and thinking, and in
so
much
need
for
growth
...in so many ways.
I need to hear. I need to listen.
I need to see. I need to perceive.
I need to RELAX
and let go of my selfish ideas of how things should be, how things should go.
In reading and reflecting, I've come across multiple reminders to serve others,
to love them with all I have.
And in doing so,
tentatively,
carefully,
slowly,
the fog is lifting.
down to the lake, rippling and waving
on this perfect Sunday morning..
Baby-blue sky, gray moss,
hands to hold,
conversation to hear..
Bellies filled with cinnamon rolls from Mom,
coffee with Dad,
soft scrambled eggs..
Keith, Cade, Rio, Amei, Sarelle,
the sweetest names I know!
So lucky, so blessed,
so happy to feel it all!
Thank you for today.
Lying next to you in bed, stroking your face,
drying your tears because you didn't want to say good night to your new tricycle,
your dark eyes so lovely and tired.
How can I not think of your birth mother and wonder where she is on this, your birthday?
You blew out your candles, but didn't want the red cake inside, you wanted grapes!
You ate all the Chinese foods I bought to celebrate, rice and vegetables and Moo Shu pork and won tons.
You rode your little red bike around the house, through the "chicken" (kitchen), through your brother's room.
Little girl, I am in awe you are called my daughter!
You held the sparklers atop your bike Daddy carried outside, in the dark, and you watched Amei and Cade and Rio with theirs.
I don't know what it means to love you and your siblings,
but I know there is an aching, wonderfully big feeling when I see you,
when I watch you run through the world like lights, so bright!
And loving you feels like sitting next to a fire.
Warm and bright,
burning.
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